My brother graduated today. With a first! I always knew he would. He’s worked hard for it and I’m so proud of him I could burst! I have spent the last few weeks telling anyone who would listen how smart my younger brother is.
My brother and I have always had a bit of competitiveness between us. He’s three years younger than me, and has always been determined to out-do me at every given opportunity. He started learning to drive, pasted his driving test before me. He has had two cars in the time that I’ve had none. He is now talking about buying a brand new car! He went to Uni, I didn’t. He has a really good job straight out of Uni. His starting wage is significantly more than I’m on now after seven years of working full-time. He’s talking of moving out from our parents as soon as he starts his full-time job – something I didn’t manage for 5 years!
Am I jealous? If I’m honest, a little… But of course I feel guilty for feeling jealous. He is my brother, and I should be supportive of him. I am supportive of him. I know he’s going to be ludicrously successful, and I know he’s going to give me plenty more reasons to be jealous. I know he’ll buy a house, get married and have a family long before I ever do.
Maybe I should be flattered? Maybe I’m the benchmark that my brother aims to beat? Maybe I should use my own slight jealousy as inspiration to kick-start my own life so that I can give him a few reasons to be jealous.?
I don’t think sibling rivarly is a bad thing. I think that it is healthy as it encourages ambition and achievement. As long as it’s a healthy competitiveness of course… I can see how for some it could become an all-consuming unhealthy obsession, but I don’t think for that most would.
What do you think? Is it ok to use your sibling’s achievements to spur on your competitive side an make you achieve?
6 Comments
19 June, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Er… good question. I don’t think a little bit of competitiveness, whether in your family, amongst friends or in the workplace is necessarily a bad thing.
But at the end of the day it is about finding your own path. Such things as academic and/or financial success can be great, but if it doesn’t make you content or fulfilled they are pretty pointless.
I guess the secret is finding those things that give you that buzz about life.
20 June, 2008 at 10:32 am
Hi James. Thanks for reading my blog.
I agree, finding your own path is the most important thing. It’s not really about “keeping up with the Jones’s”.
24 June, 2008 at 10:24 am
I know what you mean, totally. My brother is younger than me and I think uses my benchmarks to create his own. I should be flattered but really, it really annoys me! But he is young, and he will learn. In the meantime, I have to be creative in finding ways to kick his ass!
6 July, 2008 at 2:50 am
Good question. My sister and I are eight years apart, so I never really thought of her that way, but now that she’s getting into high school, it makes me wonder…
11 July, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Good to know I’m not alone! Have up-ed the anti a bit by applying for my DREAM job! Fingers crossed I get it!!
12 July, 2008 at 11:16 am
Sibling relationships are really complicated aren’t they! I sometimes wonder if my younger sis is really doing things she wants to do with her life or if she chose particular subjects at school and a particular career and life path just to differentiate herself from me. We lead completely different lives: I’m a social PR exec in London, dire love life, fast living. She’s living with her fiance and dog in the countryside, working as a waitress and thinking of studying to be a teacher…
Sometimes I feel that she felt she had to make opposing decisions to me just to stamp her mark on life.
But then again, she followed me to the same university and enjoyed being known as “Mini Blue soup” and piggy backing my hard-earnt social network… ah well…